There’s no way I can completely explain to someone who is “uninitiated”, the things that were ministered to me for the next 19 hours because as it says in 1 Corinthians 2, “ Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
Now if you are a person that gets offended by the thought that you can’t understand something this isn’t for you anyway. When I say the uninitiated, I don’t mean some special religious ritual that makes someone better than someone else. I believe we’re all equal in God’s Mind anyway. But for the purpose of understanding what uninitiated means as I use it, you have to examine your life. Look at each of your “special relationships”, possessions, hopes, dreams, money, “fun”, romance, reputation, and every other thing in your world that means something to you. If you have ever lost all of that or will willingly give it up for the love of God and your neighbor as yourself, then you are initiated and no one on earth can take that from you even if they took your body itself. If you are One of these beings, then you have nothing to lose by the verse quoted above.
You see in those last 19 hours God confirmed in me, what I knew in my heart all along–He is Absolute. What does that mean? It means exactly what it says. Absolute means God is the All in all. It means there is nowhere that is absent of God’s fullness. In church we used to always be told that God is Omnipotent, Omnipresent, and Omniscient i.e. absolutely powerful, absolutely everywhere, and absolutely knowledgeable. Think about that. I’m sure you’ve heard that before. Now ask yourself if you really believe it. Some of you will say you do, because the Bible told you so or your pastor said it. Maybe your parents told you when you went to bed at night. But that isn’t good enough. Tell the Truth. Do you really believe it? If you are still saying that you do, how do you know? That’s what the Job story is all about. Job had everything the world could offer him except the knowledge within himself that he really believed in the Absolute Power of God. If you can get this, then you can see how losing everything made Way for the greatest gift that Job ever received in this world. If that thought excites you, you’re in. If you’re trying to talk yourself out of accepting this, then you have some work to do if you really have a desire to know that you completely believe in The Absolute.
Let me clarify here that I am not saying that everyone needs to accept this or that this knowledge in some way saves you from something or someone. First of all that is not my place to say something like that. Secondly, the thought that we need to be saved from anyone or anything other than our own perception through self imposed limited egos, is contrary to my belief in the Absolute All-in-all-ness of God. Lastly, in my belief, our apparent acceptance or rejection of God’s Being is our choice and adds or takes away from our lives according to our own perception while in no way enhancing or diminishing God’s Awesomeness. Here’s my logic. If God is Absolutely Everywhere then where can I go that He is not with me? If God is Absolutely Knowledgeable, what can I hide from Him that He does not already know? If God is Absolutely Powerful, what can I take from Him that He cannot take back–even my very soul? And to take it a step further, peep this. If He has even One of these attributes of Absolute Power, Knowledge, or Presence, wouldn’t He automaticly have the others as well? If I was everywhere wouldn’t I know everything? And we say knowledge is power, right? So if I knew everything because I was everywhere, wouldn’t I naturally be all powerful as well? Do you see how simple yet profound accepting that is? And I didn’t mention Him being Absolute Love on top of everything else. That’s exactly why I can’t say anything that separates us from God and one another and be serious about it. In my heart and mind, me without you and Us without Him is the beginning of all lies. That’s what I came to terms with on that road when I shut off DMX.
But what I learned was that this act of shutting off X was not about him or the words in his music. He was just showing me one of the many sides of my own illusion. In some way, I saw that he was living what is written in Psalms 139:7-12 and I learned in the mix that I was too. Light/Dark–It’s all in me and is part of the Divine Mystery of God’s immutable Oneness.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
Remember from Road Trip… Part 1, my plan was to “fuel my anger by listening to my two DMX CDs for the whole 39 hour drive until I was thoroughly exorcised of any punk that was left in me.” But look how it turned out. Instead of going the way I thought in my mind, God used DMX to Give Me A Sign. Like I said, God knows everything, is everywhere, and has all power. It’s All His. I tried to take the soul He created and mess it up, and He used what the world calls “grime” to clean it. Now like Paul said in Romans 14:14, I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. In Truth, I know that DMX–like–Tupac comes with the Elijah-like Spirit calling out in this Wilderness to those who have become hard of hearing. And even though I haven’t listened to much mainstream music after that trip, it wasn’t because of what the world may hear in the music, it was because I heard what I needed to hear and I moved on. It was now time for me to say my piece. These words from The Prayer on DMX’s pretty much put it in perspective.
Plenty of times You sent help my way – but I hid
‘n I remember once You held me close – but I slid
It was something that I just had to see
that You wanted me to see
so I could be what You wanted me to be
And I think I’ve seen it – but I don’t feel the same
matter of fact, I know I’ve seen it – I can feel the change
It’s strange – almos’ got me beating down Your door
but I’ve never known love like this before.
I guess that I should finish this by saying that this acceptance of The Absolute God did not make me special in any way. The opportunity is the Gift we’ve all been given. What it did was help me to respect my place in creation and to honor the Mystery of Life unfolding. When I originally envisioned this trip, it was supposed to be me and my boy Terrell flying up and partying down. In fact without the thought that he was going to be with me, I don’t think I would have ever bought the ticket. I kept trying to get him on the phone to see if he was buying his ticket, but couldn’t get him. Right after I bought my one-way non-refundable ticket and told my former wife to be I was coming , he called to tell me he couldn’t go that week. My best friend Carlos who was into DMX and the light rock hits from the 80s as much as I was happened to be gone too leaving just God, DMX, and what was left of me to ourselves. It’s not the trip I would have planned, but it was the trip that I needed. Since that trip, I keep myself in check by reminding myself that if I truly believe that God is Absolute and provides for All of my needs, then I can only want what I don’t need. I can’t say that I have it down, but I am trying and I promise that I will never stop no matter what it looks like.
Keep DMX in Prayer. Like each of us, he’s holding up a lot more than can be seen on the surface, for a lot more people than you could imagine.