Ever since becoming vocal about my ministry I’ve been coming face to face with my prior acts of denial. Some people may call it the skeletons coming out of the closet or facing your demons. I chose to use the term facing my demons specifically because it allowed me to come up with this nifty acronym for the word “demon”. DEMON – Denial of Everything Malignant and Obviously Negative. Ironically I used to think acronyms were cheesy and overused. The military had one for everything. However, now that I am older and more familiar with the challenges life offers, I am grateful for any ideas that will help me to stay on track.
As I mentioned in the post, Evil Is Laziness, in this life we are constantly being offered the choice for Love or distraction. I consider destructive denial to be the ultimate distraction. I won’t get into the difference between destructive and constructive denial too much right now. Just think about how easily we rubberneck when we see car accidents and you’ll feel the essence of what I mean.
Destructive denial can manifest in a gazillion ways. I know because I counted them. One of the worst is when you attack yourself for any reason. That was one I was starting to get pretty good at. The people who know me probably can’t see that, but it is true. Most people consider me to be a positive person. I disagree for reasons that would take more than this blog to explain so let’s just sum it up to the fact that I hang out with me all the time and take my word for it. The reason I appear positive is because, for the most part, I am willing and always ready to face my DEMONs. Because of this, I can usually put them in check and that allows God’s natural creation in me to shine through. I kind of see myself as a janitor of my soul. God created the soul and my job is to keep it clean. To me, facing DEMONs is like cleaning house.
However, when I chose to hide that I was called to be a minister, it was equal to stuffing my DEMONs in a closet. Of course closet space is limited so some stuff had to be displayed. In those cases I was crafty in how I put it out there. Earlier in life, I just cut to the chase. I openly expressed and gave credit to my relationship with God as why I walked with my head up in this world. But, as most of us have dealt with in some point, I made an error that I had a hard time making sense of and was very hesitant to give back to God. So instead, I procrastinated and threw it in the closet of my heart and would only work on what I couldn’t contain. As a result I lived with a diminished sense of authority and command that comes with being Loving of yourself and others.
As usual, I am sharing this with you because I hope that you realize that each of us has a perfect mansion within for the soul God created us to be. I do not mean a literal mansion, but a home nonetheless. Sure it gets dirty and the windows need cleaning, but it is ours and it can be beautiful again with some Love and devotion. I know it may seem like a lot of work, but that’s why this blog and so many other resources and friends are available to you. All we have to do is be willing. Since telling people about my ministry, so many people have asked how they can help. That shows me two things. One–most of my fears were not based on my current reality and the other is that when you choose to follow your true heart, the resources and support you need will meet you halfway.